Can we really get addicted to porn?

Well, it can certainly feel like an addiction. An out-of-control porn habit is debilitating like an addiction too.

It’s not a dependency like drugs or alcohol. Nobody ever got the shakes from cutting out the porn.

But consuming porn can become a compulsive activity that hijacks our very natural appetite for sex. It’s a hell of a timesuck too.

So why do we keep going back?

Guys often say that porn feels like a rush. It’s exciting and it fades our real-world stressors and responsibilities into the background for a while.

We can feel physically aroused and alert and even a bit breathless scrolling all those thumbnails. So viewing porn is doing something to our neurochemistry.

Over time, compulsive porn use tends to deplete our self-esteem. Sometimes we see things that are difficult to unsee, but we keep returning.

We might notice that we’re giving porn priority over all the better things we could be doing, including interacting with our partners. But porn is so easy, so effortless and there’s always more to discover.

And there’s the masturbation ritual that goes with watching porn. Nothing wrong with masturbating – of course – but the distracted, trance-like way we do it with porn isn’t positive conditioning.

So what can we do about it?

We begin by recognising the patterns: the situations, the thoughts, the justifications that keep leading us down the old rabbit hole.

What needs are we trying to get met? Sexual satisfaction, procrastination, an intimate connection to others, escape from boredom?

Sometimes this is difficult to figure out from the inside, so I can help assess the bigger picture. We’ll figure out why the distraction of porn feels so compelling for you.

Like any unwanted habit, there are effective ways to deal with the urge in the moment. Whatever we’re telling ourselves – “just 10 minutes, it’s stress relief” – we have an opportunity to challenge these old stories.

There are ways to deal with the urge and make a different choice. See my website urgesurfing.com for an example technique you can try, and there are plenty more options open to us.

And in the longer term, overcoming porn addiction is much more doable when you’re getting your needs met. So we’ll work on an agreed strategy too.

If you’d like to discuss your struggles with porn, in complete confidentiality, please get in touch.