Freya reached out to me via YouTube with a question:

I’ve been trying to use the ‘maybe, maybe not’ technique to help with my OCD. But when I’m having intrusive thoughts about other people – like did I hurt them, have I just offended them? – saying ‘maybe, maybe not’ is making it feel worse.

Like it’s 50-50 probability, like maybe I hurt them, maybe I didn’t. That’s a high likelihood and I really struggle with it.

Good question, Freya, and I see what you mean.

If you’re saying ‘maybe, maybe not’ to try to make the anxiety recede or go away – ah. That’s a common misconception, and it’s not quite what this technique is for.

‘Maybe, maybe not’ is an OCD non-engagement response

It’s a way to not get tangled up in anxious thinking. And it’s ‘maybe not’ rather than ‘probably not’ to be as blunt as possible. Otherwise we could start weighing up the probabilities and getting sucked into it.

In fact, ‘maybe, maybe not’ might even raise our anxiety levels, at least at first. When this happens in therapy, I usually ask whether we could work with it. I’m a bit pushy like that.

The 50-50 probability feeling increases our exposure to the uncertainty. Could we have that feeling, even if it spikes, and still not need to check or ask or seek assurance?

Could we let it pass along? Not as a white-knuckle ordeal, but as an experiment and a practice opportunity.

Saying ‘maybe, maybe not’ could become another compulsion if we’re saying it to try to bring our anxiety down. But as an exposure and grounding technique, it can be very helpful.

Add some attitude

Non-engagement is an attitude, a mindset towards intrusive thoughts and questions. And a wording change might suit your attitude more.

‘OK yeah whatever‘. ‘whatevs‘. ‘OK boomer‘ I’ve heard (from younger clients, admittedly). I had a client who would say to their OCD ‘OK Boris, whatever you say…‘

Or ‘thanks for that‘ – and feel free to be flippant. Sarcastic even, like ‘oh OK yes, definitely…‘. This uncertainty and anxiety can hang around a while, but I’m not feeding it or taking it seriously.

Other grounding techniques

We have a few options to help us get on with our present while having the doubt, the feeling. Slowing down a little and using our senses – what do I see, what do I hear, right now.

Urge surfing, dropping anchor. Nautical metaphors abound in OCD therapy and for good reason.

When the waves of anxiety come rolling, we can’t hold ourselves completely in place. We feel the turbulence. But we can recognise this familiar situation, drop an anchor into the present moment and let the waves crest, fall and subside as they inevitably do.

It doesn’t always feel easy and it can take a while to get the hang of these methods. It can really help to practice ‘maybe, maybe not’ with a therapist, as part of an exposure and response prevention plan.

So thank you Freya for this great question.

And if you’re trying ‘maybe, maybe not’, remember: it’s not to fix the feeling. It may even provoke the uncertainty, at least at first. OCD doesn’t like being shut down.

But that thought is another cold-caller of the mind, and you’re hanging up. Now back to the present moment once more.